Monday, April 16, 2012

Neil #Heywood : Bo Xilai - Salacious, Scandalous, And Totally Unsubstantiated Rumors Regarding Bo Xilai


With all the stuff going around about Bo, Bogu, Guagua, Gu and, of course, Neil and Nick Heywood, it’s getting hard for even the most Burroughs of media junkies to keep up. Every time I tell myself I’m done with it, Malcolm Moore at the Telegraph or Jeremy Page of Wall Street Journal turn up offering another fix of the good stuff. Alright, Malcolm – but dammit, this is the last time! I can’t take any more of these tantalising text messages or spooky secrets; if it carries on like this, I might have to start reading Aunt Agatha’s coverage at the New York Times.

Bent as they are on spreading foul tumors – how the Chinese organs refer to rumours and what the rest of us now call the probable truth – the devils in Western media are actually ignoring a whole bunch of good stuff. But we’re not. Here’s a roundup of the most cancerous:

1) Bo Xilai was a pimp who shared his women with Party pals, including Zhou Yongkang, head of the Central Political and Legislative Committee. What makes Bo a “pimp” and not just man’s best friend, i.e. that invaluable wingman, is unclear. Maybe because Bo and Zhou are both married? MSNBC, CNN, WSJ, et al. have been trying to paint Bo and his wife Gu as the “John and Jackie Kennedy” of China. Like most awkward China analogies (“She’s China’s Britney Spears! Only without the meltdowns, and all that other stuff you associate with Britney”) the Camelot comparison fails on several dozen different levels – Jackie? Really? – but Bo certainly matches Jack on the sex and corruption front.

As an addendum: when it comes to the ladies, the CCP loves to share. The classic story is that of the once-finance minister Jin Renqing, ex-agriculture minister Du Qinglin and former head of Sinpoec Chen Tonghai, who, in the 1990s, all shared bragging rights to one mistress, a mysterious socialite socialist who loved to Party. It later emerged she was a Taiwanese spy. Awkward! Some might find this “sharing” culture a tad homoerotic. Not me, though. To the rest of us (still-living) Old Harrovians, it’s just as manly and normal as oiling up for a nude wrestle with a muscular more